This aging thing is really a pain in my ass. Besides the numerous little aches, pains, injuries, loss of vision and hearing I am experiencing it seems my friends and family are getting older as well. Now I have friends with Alzheimers, breast cancer, friends dying and it is becoming very real to me that my parents will not always be around. I have expressed my condolences to friends who have lost their parents but I am sure I have yet to truly consider how difficult that loss must be. I am not ready for that.
Bitching about growing old is obviously not a new pastime but it always seemed like something other people did, old people. I just turned 46 and say what you will but the backside of your 40’s is old. Should I be changing my ways? My style, such as it were? Be more distinguished? I still feel like a child in what is now an older guy’s body. Does everyone see my inner child and say, “He needs to grow up”? Is worrying about what other people think now in my best interest? Why start that again?
My wife recently told me that a friend of ours said to her, “Jim’s not as sarcastic & grumpy lately…” or something to that effect. WTF? I readily admit to making it a point to act the way I think is reasonable regardless of what the droning masses think but have I come off as grumpy? I don’t feel grumpy except before 8am or so. Have I been a prick and now due to my advancing years have acquired a new tag, “grumpy”?
What about my children. I have 2 adult boys in the US and three kids here, 12, 9 and 3. How will I ever be able to relate to them? Do they know that I’m cool?
Is it too late for a mid-life crisis? I am sure my mid-life has passed me by, did I have a crisis? Am I in one? I don’t feel the compelling need to buy a sports car or divorce my wife. I am considering taking up golf, that can’t be good.
What kind of man am I? Why do I still feel the need for my Dad to be proud of me? Is death looming or am I the young man that my elders assure me I am? I often feel wise although I suspect a close examination would reveal a bumbling moron. What, who is the true me? Am I thoroughly honest with myself? Do I put on airs? Am I keeping it real? Is everyone else really so screwed up, why don’t they take my advice?
These are the things on my mind. Does anyone else think like me or even care?
Wondering WTF
BelizeBritts's Blog 
You are only as old as you think….maybe a few more aches and pains, but if you keep your mind young, you will stay “young”! You have small children, so that probably helps too.
I can relate….although I am not a man, I am 48. Where did time go? I must have attained this age by hook and by crook, because when I was in my wild youth I never thought I would make it this far!
When you are staring at 50, you assess your life and realize you’ve probably lived over half of it already, so you’ve got to make every minute count!
Thanks for your thoughts. I know I appreciate my days today more than I ever have and am determined to reduce the things that cause me stress and do the things I love.
We are not old, we are seasoned, we are like fine (boxed) wine, I knew you when you were a wild child, and you took it to the edge, now you have kids and grand kids and you have lots to reach them, tell them to make new mistakes not the same ones you made. Bitching about getting old is just part of the accepting factor of aging, we are not old!! not everyone has a mid-life crises, those stem from questioning the decisions you made as a younger man, if you accept those decisions than you avoid the crises. We are not old, we act the way we feel, I feel like I’m 30 and I get away with acting like it, even though I am older than you, your older kids know how cool you are and your younger kids need you to be proud of them, you know that your parents and siblings are very proud of you. Stay away from golf, that is not a good game, get out the frisbee and play with the kids, advise is a bitter pill to some, you are not a bumbling moron, WE ARE NOT OLD!!!LOL, sorry I’m having too much fun with this because I am constantly telling Doug the same thing, and he is years younger than me. Quit worrying about getting old, love your family, be grumpy, give advise and go on, if people don’t follow advise, oh well, but ALWAYS be kind and helpful, and you are so quit worrying.
Well said Steph.
Jim it is okay to have these thoughts…..soon enough your brain will find something else to consider. I like, no love, this stage of my life and I am twenty forever and that is cool. We are all cool forever, well most of us anyway….there are some really uncool folks out there who shall not be named but they were never cool to begin with and are assholes….hahahahhahahahah……now what was I trying to tell you?
Your kids love you……that is all that matters. Hell, lots of people love you. Bask in that because there are many folks out there not living a good life.
As to physical stuff, well, suck it up as you cannot fight that….but you can however smile often because smiling causes less wrinkles than frowning.
True enough Rosemonster.
Yes I do think like that and I do care brother!!
And I remember being there when you and I were creating
these future aches and pains as kids. Slamming your hand in the
fire door at the Barn Dinner Theater,diving head first in the apartment pool. The shallow end. (Ouch!!! Man you bled!!!) Several skateboard and bike wipeouts.
I could go on but my arthiritic fingers are telling me different. Just letting you
know I’m with you and praying for you.
God Bless you!!!
Darrin
I remember those days as well as I remember yesterday. I look back on the fondly.
A bit late to the conversation, but . . . . I think introspection about aging and time’s passing must be a universal human condition. And isn’t it interesting (it is to my brain, anyway) that, even after thousands of years and countless generations, the inexorable march of time and its effect, aging, are two things that we humans seem entirely unable to get used to? We get used to technology, heat and bad customer service (and nearly everything else), but the clock and getting old ??!! WHAT THE . . . ??? Unlike with jet travel or bad roads, there is no collective, en-masse getting used to the years that start to fall away far too quickly, or to the face in the mirror that begins sprouting white hair and sporting crows feet. No, it seems that to be surprised by Time and shocked by aging are at least two facets of human existence that even Time does not allow us to get used to.
And here’s something else that puzzles me. Just WHY am I surprised by it all? I mean, it’s not like I have anything else to compare it to: I like milk chocolate better than dark chocolate, this fast car over that slow car. But this is the only life I’ve ever lived, the only species of Time I’ve ever known. So why do I think it should be different? What compels me to think Time ought to put on the brakes a little? Why does aging turn me into a stunned, mumbling idiot that spends hours of my already too-short life (see, there I go again) wondering about aging?
I suppose it’s all part of being a sentient human being and having the capacity for reason, the ability in the mind to live in the past, present and future in the same minute, and coming into this world not just lumps of flesh and bone like our pets, but also as spiritual beings with souls that don’t age and which are destined for eternity.
Great stuff Todd. Of course the process of aging (and associated confusion, complaints and retrospection) is universal but it becomes very damn personal when it is us, individually. When it effects ME!
Thanks Jim. And I really enjoyed your Questions of a Middle Aged Man post. You write well.
Thank you Todd. I hope that we can keep in touch and eventually meet again. I enjoyed it!
Yup, we all start thinking “am I doing the right thing” or “did I?” etc. as we start feeling our mortality.
http://middleage.org/time.shtml
This site’s pretty good for now, reminds you that you’re not halfway through your adult life, once you exclude those school years. They have some other good insights too.
But in general, you’re old enough now to stop worrying about what others are thinking about you, are you cool enough, grumpy, ah heck with it. Just be the best you you can be.
Oh, and keep writing your blog, it’s not far off but hopefully by the time I’m 46 I’ll be down in Belize as well. Currently just working on getting rid of 2 houses and a ton of accumulated “stuff” (wishing for a house fire lol)
Reflecting back, questioning past decisions, hell with it. Live’s pretty damn good right now hopefully.
–Alex
Jeeze what a bunch of whiners! Wait until you reach 70- you don’t know what aches and pains are, yet! But- keep smiling- it confuses ’em! And the grouchy bit? That’s because when you give advice, based on your ‘been there,done that, and know what the results will be’ answer does not resonate with what was wanted, your logic is immediatly defined as ‘grumpy’. Buck up! You know you are right!
Love your blog, and your experiences! Your description of J-Lo’s services brought tears to my eyes.