This aging thing is really a pain in my ass. Besides the numerous little aches, pains, injuries, loss of vision and hearing I am experiencing it seems my friends and family are getting older as well. Now I have friends with Alzheimers, breast cancer, friends dying and it is becoming very real to me that my parents will not always be around. I have expressed my condolences to friends who have lost their parents but I am sure I have yet to truly consider how difficult that loss must be. I am not ready for that.
Bitching about growing old is obviously not a new pastime but it always seemed like something other people did, old people. I just turned 46 and say what you will but the backside of your 40’s is old. Should I be changing my ways? My style, such as it were? Be more distinguished? I still feel like a child in what is now an older guy’s body. Does everyone see my inner child and say, “He needs to grow up”? Is worrying about what other people think now in my best interest? Why start that again?
My wife recently told me that a friend of ours said to her, “Jim’s not as sarcastic & grumpy lately…” or something to that effect. WTF? I readily admit to making it a point to act the way I think is reasonable regardless of what the droning masses think but have I come off as grumpy? I don’t feel grumpy except before 8am or so. Have I been a prick and now due to my advancing years have acquired a new tag, “grumpy”?
What about my children. I have 2 adult boys in the US and three kids here, 12, 9 and 3. How will I ever be able to relate to them? Do they know that I’m cool?
Is it too late for a mid-life crisis? I am sure my mid-life has passed me by, did I have a crisis? Am I in one? I don’t feel the compelling need to buy a sports car or divorce my wife. I am considering taking up golf, that can’t be good.
What kind of man am I? Why do I still feel the need for my Dad to be proud of me? Is death looming or am I the young man that my elders assure me I am? I often feel wise although I suspect a close examination would reveal a bumbling moron. What, who is the true me? Am I thoroughly honest with myself? Do I put on airs? Am I keeping it real? Is everyone else really so screwed up, why don’t they take my advice?
These are the things on my mind. Does anyone else think like me or even care?